Anxiety

So, here's what was going through my head today, as I walked through Oguchi on a Sunday afternoon.
I am starting to have some real trouble dealing with Christmas decorations and music around here.  Any sighting of a wreath or a tree, or hearing Christmas music playing in a shop, can send me into a despair.  I get really sad and lonely, and very depressed.
Lately I'm just feeling like I will never have real intimacy in my life ever again.  Getting a girlfriend would be tricky enough back in the US; getting one here, with the language and cultural differences, not to mention my own numerous and complex personal issues, is basically a non-starter.
So I just walk around by myself, with no one to talk to or share anything with.  This sucks most of the time, but extra sucks at Christmas.
I'm continuing to gain weight, not at a rapid rate, and I'm still in very good shape, but seeing that number go up still gives me anxiety.  I don't want to go back to where I was.  I mean, I'm running 30 kilometers or more a week, so I doubt I will, but it's still scary.
All of this is ganging up on me and giving me anxiety.  I hate it.